It Can't Be Real
by MaybeMoonlight
Summary: When Don hears something over the phone, his whole world is rocked. But what is running through his mind? The day he lost his loved one. Don Flack & Jessica Angell spoilers for 5x25


_AN: This is my first published story. Criticise it if you feel the need to. I have had two people view this and point out my mistakes so hopefully all is okay. But if you do notice something, I would appreciate if you could tell me about it. Enjoy!  
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_Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I own nothing. CSI: New York does not belong to me. Not in the slightest. On with the story?  
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They'd been on the phone joking around with each other like they always did, when he heard the smash. The sound of glass crunching against metal and the chairs and tables being pushed from the trucks path. Then he'd heard the gunshots. He could still hear them and he'd yelled her name down the phone. Hearing no reply he'd kicked his comrade out the car, and driven to the cafe where she was. He couldn't remember the drive but he could remember the blind panic he'd felt as he pushed his car door open and ran out to see the large truck in the place of where the glass window used to be. He ran around it into the destroyed place still yelling her name, running past police officers and knocking over a table as he slid to the ground in front of her.

Don checked over her injuries quickly, seeing the amount of blood that soaked her crisp white shirt that he'd helped to button this morning. Cradling her in his arms, he ran to the car yelling at officers to open the back door to one of the police cruisers on scene. Yelling at the officer in the front seat to drive, he felt the car kick into gear and vaguely heard the sound of the wailing siren as he reassured Jess that she would be alright. Everything would be okay. He noticed the blood all along his shirt.

He couldn't remember arriving at the hospital either but he could feel the hoarseness of his throat from all the yelling. Doctors and nurses came to her aid immediately and whisked her away to surgery. He'd paced nervously back and forth for longer than he would've liked, running his hand through is hair nervously and sighing in fear that took over his body made him shake and he had to lean over in a bin to throw up a few times... after the first time though the rest was just him retching painfully. He couldn't be sure that she was going to be okay, if the surgery was going to be successful or not. No one had told him anything, no one was there to reassure him and he demanded to a receptionist to know what was going on. She ran away to find out but never came back and at that Don got even more terrified.

After what seemed like hours, a nurse in blue scrubs came out and somehow, he didn't know how, but somehow he knew she was looking for him. All sound ceased and even though he couldn't hear, he could see her lips moving and knew the words that left her mouth. He sat down in shock, resting his head in his hands as he shook slightly. Looking up again he saw that she was gone but watched as Danny rounded the corner, calling out his name. He gulped, the tears threatening to spill out as he spoke.

"She's gone..." he whispered. He watched Danny's face contort into anger as he turned to punch the wall beside him. Then he started sobbing viciously.

Soon after, he made his way to the mortuary, sitting down in the chair beside her body. Taking her hand in his, he let out a soft gasp at the coldness of her normally flushed skin. Letting out a shuddering breath he rubbed soothing circles on the back of her hand. A loud noise pained his ears and he took a moment to realise it was him, his sobs echoing off the walls of the room. He begged aloud pointlessly for her to come back to him, for her to wake up and tell him that it was all some out of hand joke. He knew that she was gone. He knew that, but did he really have to accept it? Standing up, he kept his hand on hers, using his other one to wipe furiously at his eyes and took a few deep breaths trying to get himself in check.

He heard Sid apologise, Don hadn't even heard him enter the room and he vaguely took in as Sid fumbled over his words apologising profusely and quoting someone. They talked together for a short while and a few tears fell from his eyes, he could hear his voice shaking with sorrow and anger before he broke down into sobs again. He couldn't bear the thought of her being cut open and confessed this to Sid who promised that he'd treat her with the most care possible. He left the room shortly after and got into his car, not too sure on where he was going. He was still wearing the shirt.

He found himself at a crime scene where Mac and Danny were working, hoping to emerge himself so far into the case that he could forget about Jessica Angell for just one second. To get some sort of relief from the pain.

"I need to be here." he nodded grimly and Mac raised an eyebrow at him before nodding and getting on with work. He took that as a sign that he could stay and work. There wasn't much that he could do anyway, he was having trouble just trying to keep himself from crying. Later on, Don found himself in the back of a car, demanding back up as they heard one of their suspects being threatened.

The day didn't get easier and neither did the pain but he changed from his clothes, throwing them into a heap on the floor in his room. He went to visit Jessica's father and they talked briefly. He could see his own hurt mirrored in the expression of her father.

They went through a lot before they caught the killers. Don lost his temper quite a few times but he knew that it was only from the hurt he was feeling. Eventually they got caught up in a gun battle and a few of the suspects got shot, others got handcuffed and some offers got minor gunshot wounds too. Don shot the guy that killed Jess. He wanted to have done something for her and deep down he hoped it would bring him some kind of peace.

It didn't.

He still got upset about it. He still cried over her.

And he still kept that blood stained shirt.

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_Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome, though please be kind._

_MaybeMoonlight._


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